$5 Million Dollar Bounty: Group of Misfits
Date: 2012-01-07
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Top notch villain needed to murk five “superhero” delinquents roaming the streets of Thamesmead. It is recommended to attack while targets serve community payback. Individual powers are fluid, so potential candidates must be able to adapt. Fortunately, the biggest threat has been removed. The immortal was last seen in Las Vegas, protecting his pregnant bird (never mind the child is some other bloke’s). Here’s the skinny on the remaining twats:
- Simon Bellamy
Position: Unappointed leader.
Attributes: Carries an aura of mystery, some believe a mask for sexual perversions.
Warning: Highly skilled in the arts of invisibility and free-running.
- Kelly Bailey
Position: Enforcer.
Attributes: Knows what others think. Keep intel outside your noggin.
Warning: Mean streak traced back to council estates. The word “chav” is a likely irritant.
- Curtis Donovan
Position: The clock.
Attributes: Bending time and himself.
Warning: Recommended first target. Donovan may kill asset slowly with incessant whining and regret.
- Alisha Bailey
(No relation to K. Bailey)
Position: Sex vixen.
Attributes: Eye candy.
Warning: Least priority. While inarguably the group’s fittest, our experts have failed to observe target’s utility.
- Rudy Wade
Position: Rookie.
Attributes: Taking the piss.
Warning: You may see double.
Here is their last photo taken. Do not be fooled by collective dumbfoundedness. Former assets have been eliminated and body whereabouts remain unknown.
Location: Southeast London
Compensation: Listed. Or funeral expenses paid.
Principals only. Recruiters, please do not contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 4649752790
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